Hey, fungi! As of writing, I have just returned from quiz nationals, having arrived at my house at midnight and having somehow slept in until 11am¹ ! Whew-wee! Here is what happened:

Monday — arrived at quiz nationals

Tuesday — started quizzing (won four rounds, lost three)

Wednesday — did some more quizzing (won four rounds, lost two)

THURSDAY — THE DAY OF DOOM

What happened on this day of doom?!? The day that ruined quiz nationals FOREVER?!!? Find out today in today’s issue of FOOT FUNGUS FACTS INCORPORATED!!!

¹ The one other time I slept in this late, I was sick

What is Quiz Nationals?

Quiz nationals is the final competition for fmbq bible quizzing. Participants memorize books of the bible and compete to earn points at monthly competitions. At nationals, all the material covered for the year is quizzed over. This year, we memorized Matthew 14-18 and 1&2 Thessalonians.

The key part of quizzing is predicting where the question is going to go. Quizzers can and will jump before the question is completed, using their knowledge of the scriptures to finish the question in a way that encompasses the original question’s answer. Very challenging, but very rewarding.

Foot Fungus at Nationals

In the introduction, I mentioned four days: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and THURSDAY. You probably experienced extreme worry when you saw the word. After all, it is in all caps and in bold, and it is called the DAY OF DOOM. Two things happened on this day:

1. I got eliminated in both nationals and individuals

2. Elimination caused my mind to drift, and I started to think about fungus

Could there be fungus in the bathroom?!? What about in the cafeteria? What about in my own dorm?!?!? I could not shake these horrific thoughts, so I did what had to be done: I entertained the thoughts, and in so doing, discovered the dark side of quiz nationals.

Showers

I will never forget the nationals week at Asbury where we were forced to strip ourselves naked in front of all our fellow quizzers.

Sound ridiculous? It’s actually quite close to the truth. In our dorms, we were forced to use communal showers with transparent glass doors. While they were blurred, it was still quite easy to make out details. I had to improvise by getting up early and placing a large tower over the door. It provided quite the opportunity for embarrassment, as well as an even greater opportunity for foot fungus.

To avoid stepping on spores nurtured by warm water and footy victims, I had to wear too-small flip flops to avoid touching the ground. It made the whole ordeal quite annoying…especially when my towel began to fall off the door.

This nationals, fortunately, we each had our own showers. This meant we only had to share showers with one other person. Unfortunately, once turned on, the showers wouldn’t turn entirely off, so we had to sleep through the steady dripping of the showerhead. Fortunately, we usually went to bed at 11, meaning we were so tired, we could sleep through anything. Unfortunately, the mattresses were really hard, which negated any benefit gained from late sleeping.

Team T-Shirts

At nationals, teams typically design a team t-shirt, which is usually a joke/reference to the study material. While this is quite fun¹ , it also provides opportunities for fungus to spread. Here’s the issue: every person on the team has an identical shirt. This could easily lead to mixing up shirts, causing fungus to spread between team members. While this wouldn’t spread foot fungus, it could easily spread something just as perilous, such as back fungus (yeuch!). To mitigate this risk, I would recommend marking your shirt to make it identifiable. This could be something as simple as memorizing the shirt size or something as awesome as spilling spaghetti sauce all over your stomach. The choice is up to you!

¹ It should be noted that not all may agree with this statement. Many, such as myself, dislike wearing a cheaply bought shirt that is so thin, another shirt needs be worn beneath it to prevent embarrassment. Then again, whenever would that happen?

Other Concerns

T-shirts and showers are far from the biggest concerns of quiz nationals. Due to the large amount of participants, you are much more likely to get foot fungus by walking barefoot anywhere. Quizzers usually share rooms (nationals lasts an entire week), meaning you are in high danger if you a room with a fungal quizzer. You are also wearing shoes most of the day, meaning your feet will get sweaty and could easily get foot fungus if you do not shower and change socks daily. So, yeah…there are a lot of things to worry about.

The Customer Q&A Section

Hey, guys! Welcome to the Q&A, where you all send in Q’s, and I reply with A’s! To submit a question to Foot Fungus Facts Incorporated, send it to [email protected]. To submit a question to the White House, send it to [email protected], or go to their website at whitehouse.com/contact, where you share comments, messages, and opinions with the president of the United States.

Question: Do you like eyeballs?

Answer: I do, for three specific reasons:

1. they blink about twelve times every minute

2. owls can’t move them

3. they stay the same throughout your entire life, from birth to death

If those aren’t good reasons, I don’t know what are!

Question: would you believe me if I told you that rubber is made with melted plates?

Answer: If rubber bands last longer when they are refrigerated, Japan has 23 vending machines per person, and sugar helps cuts heal faster, I can get behind your rubber theory. (source)

Some Final Words

Thank you for reading today’s issue of Foot Fungus Facts Incorporated! It has been a pleasure to again dive into the dangerous world of foot fungus with you. May your feet never smell, and may they wiggle with glee!

—Josiah Hamster