Humans can get foot fungus. We have established that. But there is more than life than just humans. There are also horses.

HORSES! THE CREATURES OF NIGHTMARES!! THE MOUTHS THAT KNOW NOT THE WORD, “STOP”! THE STOMACHS THAT KNOW NO END!!!

Prepare for an issue like no other in today’s issue of Foot Fungus Facts incorporated: HORSE IS PEOPLE TOO!!!

[[ Theme song: 1 Hour of Horse Hooves: clip clop ambience for sleep, relaxation, and meditation ]]

Horse Facts

What is a horse, you might ask? A horse is a four-legged animal that people like to sit on. It can run really really fast, and unskilled sitters are prone to falling off. For this reason, horse riding is quite a dangerous sport (yes, they made a sport out of it)—more dangerous, even, than skiing and motorcycling! Horseback riding is also the highest cause of traumatic brain injuries in sports. In addition, over 100k horse riding injuries occur every year. Add to all of this, a horse is also a creature that can get hoof fungus.

Do you really think I would’ve written an issue about them if they couldn’t?

Hoof Fungus

This is hoof fungus. We are not talking about this. Instead, we are talking about hoof fungus.

Hoof Fungus

Have you ever heard the phrase, “no horsing around!”? You assumed that this meant to stop being rowdy, but you were wrong. It actually means to have good foot care.

Why are horses used in this expression? Why not “no humaning around”? Let me explain.

Feet are good homes for fungus. If they weren’t, fungus wouldn’t grow there. Unfortunately, horse hooves are even worse. Horse hooves are not only dark and warm on the inside, but are also frequently wet and exposed to the elements, fungus included. As such, they are prone to fungal infections in the hooves just as we are prone to fungal infections on our feet. Fortunately, this can be cured by promptly chopping off the infected hoof!!!! More on treatment later.

The three most common types of fungus are thrush, white line disease, and deep central sulcus. Thrush is a rather common fungus identified by black slime and a cheesy smell. This cheesy smell does not insinuate any resemblance to actual cheese, and tongue should remain itm¹. Thrush can be cured by ensuring the horse remains in a dry area and removing infected tissue, as well as application of antifungals. A cheesy smell…does that mean that horses have the cheese touch? White Line Disease is identified by a separation between the outer layer of the hoof and the inner layer of the hoof, and can be treated in the same way as thrush. If the fungus from a horse hoof smells like cheese, what does that say about the cheese we eat? Deep Central Sulcus is the most serious of the three, and is identifiable by sulcus infections and treated in the exact same way as thrush. I’m never going to eat cheese again.

Surprisingly, antifungal horse spray does exist.

¹ It stands for, “in the mouth”

The Customer Q&A Section

It’s that time again! Prepare, fellow readers, as I launch into a series of answers in response to questions that may or may not be from real users! Remember, you can always submit questions at [email protected].

Question: Can a horse’s hoof fungus spread to a human? -my Nintendo Switch game controller

Answer: Yes, you can, though it is rare for any kind of horse disease to transfer to humans. The symptoms and means of spread differ depending on the disease. One of the most contagious infections for humans is ringworm, a fungus that can grow on both a horse’s hoof and a horse’s skin. This is spread through either direct contact or contact with contaminated objects, and manifests as a red, scaly rash on both horse and human. Here is a picture of ringworm on a human:

For more information on diseases that could transfer from horse to human, see horsejournals.com.

Question: Would you rather have foot fungus on your hands or your feet? -Anonymous user from Africa

Answer: I, personally, would rather have fungus on my feet for multiple reasons.

For one, your question asked if I would rather have foot fungus on my hands or my feet. If it’s called foot fungus, it’s on the feet, not the hands! YOU SLIMY RAT!!!

Second, it would be much more noticeable on my hands. Most people don’t look at your feet (and if they do, they are a weirdo and must be avoided at all costs). Hands, however, are very noticeable. You’d either have to constantly wear gloves or keep your hands in your pockets.

Finally, it would be much harder to keep the fungus to yourself. Just stepping where someone else stepped barefoot is a risk for foot fungus…imagine having to avoid touching anything your friend touched. I would rather not be that contagious.

Some Final Words

Thank you for reading today’s issue of Foot Fungus Facts Incorporated! I hope there was at least one horse fan among my audience, and I hope they got a big kick out of today’s issue! I hope you also enjoyed hearing, yet again, the brilliant questions of our customers! Remember: no horsing around!

Thank you for reading, and have a great day!

—Josiah Hamster