Sometimes, people want to take off their shoes. It is a thing that happens sometimes. Even worse, sometimes people want to take off their shoes! I have had these urges myself multiple times. Here’s the thing: it doesn’t always happen inside. Sometimes, I get urges to do these vile actions outside.

My question for this week is: what happens if you follow those urges? What happens if you not only walk barefoot inside, but outside as well? What would happen if you were to stop wearing shoes at all?!? These are very good questions—questions I will answer without hesitation in today’s issue of Foot Fungus Facts Incorporated!

Let’s roll that theme song!!!

[[ Theme song: Bacon.mp13, a HamsterTube original! ]]

What are Shoes?

Shoes are pieces of fabric used to protect your feet from sharp objects, dirt and mud, and, of course, foot fungus. Common materials include leather, rubber, synthetic fabric, canvas, foam, textiles, synthetic leather, and neoprene. Common materials don’t include iPhone chargers¹ , surfboards, milk, Windows 12 PCs² , banana peels, and molten lava.

Shoes can be practical, or they can not be. For instance, this shoe here is a high heel that looks like a sneaker stuck to the ground with gum:

Shoes typically go on feet, but, just like their practicality, it doesn’t have to be that way. Some people prefer to have them on their ears, such as this guy:

Whatever path you decide to go, make sure it is worse the expense of the shoes. The average shoe price is $124…quite the expense for things you just want to go on your ears.

¹ This includes both the old lightning cables and the new usb-c chargers

²Windows 12: Release Date and Everything Else We Know (howtogeek.com)

The Shoeless One: Barefoot Running

Running is a great hobby¹ ! It builds muscles, it gives your brain positive chemicals, and it allows you to be in nature (unless, of course, you are using a treadmill)² . What would happen if you started running barefoot? Here are some benefits:

Benefits

1. Stabilizes foot

Running barefoot can help give you a better foot arch if you struggle with flat feet. The running strengthens and tightens foot muscles that would otherwise be neglected with shoes on. However, the running should not cause pain. If your feet start to hurt while on a barefoot run, it would be more beneficial to keep your shoes on and protect your feet.

2. Reduces risk of plantar fasciitis

While not a direct result of bare feet, barefoot running does cause you to have better technique and cadence. This helps prevent plantar fasciitis, a disorder in a tissue in the back of your foot that can cause severe heel pain.

Yes, you heard that right. We are already getting into the slightly irrelevant reasons.

3. Burns more calories

Since you don’t have springy shoes to propel you forward, barefoot running is more challenging than standard running. Thus, it gives you more calories and benefit from your running.

Now, for some concerns.

Concerns

1. Punctures and foot wounds

Outside is dangerous. There is glass, sticks, and rocks to watch out for, all of which can be very hard to spot. Sections of gravel will be agony for the unpracticed. Blisters could easily develop, making running extremely painful. This makes barefoot running very, very risky.

2. Foot fractures

Barefoot running is very strenuous on the feet. Stress fractures can easily result from repeated running on bare feet.

3. The Weirdo Syndrome

Running barefoot is not normal. People might think you are weird, and potentially even refuse to run with you. If you don’t have very good running partners, you may even have things thrown at you, such as dolls, tomatoes, and shoes for you to wear.

4. Foot fungus

Going outside barefoot is a prime way to offer your feet to fungus. If you are concerned at all about foot fungus—which you should be, since you are reading this newsletter—then I would highly recommend taking this into consideration.

¹ Unless you are in the 85% of people who don’t like running (source)

² Tired of running on a treadmill, and want something new? Do you long to be in nature, but don’t have an accessible place to run? Buy a $700 vr treadmill! https://youtu.be/7S0EshM9lM4

The Shoeless One: Forever Free

You may wonder: what would happen if you dropped shoes entirely? First of all, you would experience something very similar to this:

Secondly, you would start to get a better foot workout. Shoes help balance, and going barefoot forces your foot to use its own muscles to hold it up straight. This would strengthen your foot muscles, allowing for you to wiggle your toes in a much more impressive manner. Going barefoot is also a way to experience mindfulness, called “earthing”. This allows you to feel the dirt under your feet and take in your surroundings easier. It also allows you to feel the pavement, wood, gravel, and snow beneath your feet as well. If you go to the beach often, you don’t have to take your shoes off when you enter. You don’t have to go through the hassle of taking your shoes off and putting them back on. You don’t have to worry about foot fungus building up in your shoes. If you enjoy being barefoot, you get to enjoy being barefoot more. That is about where the benefits end.

Being barefoot all day is very hard on feet, and can lead to foot pain and plantar fasciitis, tendinitis, and metatarsalgia. Similar to barefoot running, it can lead to foot fractions, punctures, and blisters. In the winter, you would be forced to walk through the snow, numbing your toes. Foot fungus would be a big problem, since you don’t have the shoes to protect you from the spores on the ground. You would also have issues in stores requiring shoes, as well as other public events that would be inappropriate to attend without shoes, such as church. Your feet would get all muddy and yucky from the outside, and after it rains, you would have to slosh through the muddy puddles and gunk with your bare feet. Honestly, I do not think it would be worth it. At all.

The Customer Q&A Section

Welcome, readers, to the Customer Q&A section! Here, we answer questions straight from our customers in the inbox [email protected]. Mr. Box was empty today, so I had to make up some questions myself. Enjoy!

Question: In reading your issue, I got mixed signals about whether or not shoes caused foot fungus. You said they can cause buildup of sweat which could lead to foot fungus, but you also said that going barefoot could lead to stepping on foot fungus. Long question short: do shoes protect you from foot fungus or not?

Answer: Yes and no. They do keep you from stepping on spores, such as in the gym, pool, or bathroom. However, they can also cause a buildup of sweat. Foot fungus thrives on dampness, darkness, and warmth, all three things a shoe provides. The best way to prevent foot fungus is to wear a shoe that keeps your feet from touching the ground, but also doesn’t cause a damp buildup of sweat, such as flip flops. Do shoes usually help with foot fungus? Yes, they do. But if not treated well, or if socks are not changed, they can become an even worse hazard than would be provided barefoot.

Question: Have you ever tried running barefoot?

Answer: Yes, but only once. And it wasn’t for any of the benefits listed above. It was because I was too lazy to put on shoes.

It wasn’t actually a full run, it was just a jog to the dog’s poop spot. We don’t have any good spots for the dog to poop, so in the mornings she must be taken to a woods about a quarter of a mile off. I didn’t really want to put on shoes and socks just for a half mile, so I went out without shoes or socks on.

The experience was not very good. Immediately, my feet hit the pebbles on the road at the base of our driveway. I went along the grass beside the road, hoping to avoid foot pain, but the unsteadiness of the dirt killed my feet. Overall, it was a pretty bad experience, once I don’t ever intend to do again, especially after the research I performed for this issue.

Some Final Words

Thank you for reading today’s issue of Foot Fungus Facts Incorporated! A shoutout to Emma, who gave me the idea for this post! She, um, might have sent me this idea in March 26th and I forgot about it, but I recently uncovered it when searching for an issue idea. So, thank you Emma for being patient and submitting this idea!

This issue took me about two hours. I am pretty happy with that.

I understand that today’s issue might have been controversial—after all, barefoot running is a thing people actually do. If you have anything you would like to ask about the topic in the Q&A, or just something you would like to point out, email me at [email protected]!

Thank you for reading, and have a great day!

—Josiah Hamster

P.S. Don’t blow up