Hey guys! Welcome back! It is now two days until New Year’s Eve, which is a day before New Year’s Day!

When scheduling this issue, I had to make a decision. I could either release a New Year’s issue on the 6th, releasing the issue in 2024 but coming in rather late, release on New Year’s Day, breaking my tradition of releases on Saturday (I also didn’t want to release an issue on a Monday. Mondays make me want to vomit!), or I could release the issue two days before New Year’s Day. Because I wanted to get as close as I could to New Year’s Day, and because I didn’t want to break my tradition of releasing on Saturday, and because I wanted to write this issue before my readers made their New Year’s resolutions, I decided to go with the last option.

You can probably guess what I’m going to be talking about today, but for those of you who can’t, and for those of you who can but for some strange, aberrant reason want me to tell them anyway: today we will be talking about New Year’s resolutions to make this New Year! And, like all Foot Fungus Facts issues, each resolution will be about foot fungus!

Enjoy! 🦶

[[ Theme song: a fireworks sound effect to celebrate the new year! ]]

*Oh! Almost forgot: we’ll also be answering questions from our customers in the CUSTOMER Q&A SECTION!!! I will never forget that section!

What is a New Year’s Resolution?

What do 23% of people quit in the first week, only 36% of people commit to past a month, and only 9% of people successfully complete? New Year’s resolutions, of course!

For those of you who don’t know, a New Year’s resolution is a tradition where you make a commitment at the beginning of the year. Since it’s a new year, it’s a fresh start, and is the perfect time to initiate—or eliminate—a habit. It originated in 2000 B.C. during the Babylonians’ Akitu festival, which celebrated the New Year by planting crops, crowning their king, and promising to return farm equipment and pay all their debts. The Romans adopted this custom by making promises to Janus, whose name coincidentally happened to mean January. When that got boring, knights in the medieval era began taking the “peacock vow”, which re-affirmed their loyalty to chivalry (hence the image). After a few more adoptions I won’t name for the sake of your attention span, it evolved into what we know today!

New Year’s resolutions are usually health related, such as resolving to exercise more often. Here is a diagram of the most common New Year’s resolutions:

These resolutions are great and all, but they lack one thing: they don’t do anything about foot fungus! Let’s get into some resolutions that do.

Resolutions About Foot Fungus

It’s time for the resolutions I’ve been talking about! I have here three resolutions, each one harder than the last. It is my hope that these resolutions will be the motivation you need to cure your foot fungus for the last time!

Without further ado, let’s get started.

Daily Antifungal Application

This is the simplest of the three resolutions. All it requires is a daily application of a little antifungal cream, and you're automatically a New Year hero!!! I’d recommend making it part of your morning routine to get into the habit of applying the cream. Keep in mind that because of how little of a task it is, it can also be easy to forget, but that little hazard is nothing compared to most other resolutions. Compare it to intense daily workouts, and you’ll be a rather happy goat. If you want a simple, doable New Year’s resolution to get rid of your foot fungus, this is a good choice.

Wash Feet Daily

If you actually take care of your feet, you probably are already applying your antifungal cream daily. For people like you, I have written a slightly more challenging resolution: daily washing of the feet! This requires both more time and more work, since scrubbing with soap and getting your feet wet are much more intense arm movements than simple application of antifungal cream. To make it a tad easier, you could switch the frequency to every other day, though for fungal reasons I would recommend keeping the wash frequently to daily.

Never Go to a Pool Ever Again

This is by far the most tragic of the three resolutions! One of the largest causes of foot fungus is walking barefoot in places where other people have previously stood barefoot. This includes places such as communal showers, locker rooms…and pools. According to msn.com, if you walk barefoot beside a pool, “you could end up with a fungal nail infection that not only ruins your vacation but also persists for months afterward”. There are two options: either keep your shoes on while at the pool (not practical), or completely ditch pool visits. If you are really serious on keeping your feet fungus free, this would be a good, albeit challenging, New Year’s resolution. This is especially convenient if you already don’t enjoy going to pools.

That was a quite depressing section, so I’m gonna cheer you up now with the one and only CUSTOMER Q&A SECTION!!! Let’s get started!

The Customer Q&A Section

WELCOME BACK TO MY FAVORITE SECTION EVER: THE CUSTOMER Q&A SECTION!! This part is the COMPLETELY AWESOME section where I answer questions from our subscribers! As always:

• Questions can be submitted at [email protected]. Any questions would be greatly appreciated, so if you happen to have any send em in!

• If I don’t get any questions, I will either skip this section (never happened, never happening) or I will make up my own questions (definitely happening)

• Any references to Joe Biden will be closely censored

Let’s start with yet another question from Olivia Morgan, the first customer ever to have submitted a total of TWO questions to the newsletter!!

Question: Could foot fungus be used as biofuel? -Olivia Morgan

Answer: I unfortunately couldn’t find any direct sources on if foot fungus itself could be used as a biofuel, but I found a few ways it might be possible. According to phys.org¹ , NO1 (parascedosporium putredinis—what a mouthful) can break down lignin, a key aspect in many biofuels which is very resistant to degradation. While NO1 doesn’t naturally grow on feet, scientists could create a variant of it that does, giving foot fungus the ability to assist in a biofuel. According to a book called Fungi in Fuel Biotechnology that I am not willing to pay $149 USD for, certain fungi and yeasts can be efficiently used as biofuels such as bioethanol and biodiesel. These, also, could be modified to grow on feet. Is foot fungus the future of biofuel technology? Probably not. But it is fun to think about!

¹ I am 99% sure that this stands for Please Heat Your Socks

Question: Are there are foot fungus support groups that you would recommend for people who are currently battling foot fungus? Is there a community that you can turn to if foot fungus is a struggle for you? -Emma Weisheim

My first instinct is to recommend THE CRITTER CONNECTION, saving Upstate animals since 1999! Barring that, my second instinct is to recommend catsinsinks.com.

My instincts did not seem to be doing any good, so I resorted to research.

A little bit of online research led me to this page:

I also found a subreddit for nail fungus:

If the foot fungus gets severe enough, there is also a Find a Support Group on psychologytoday.com:

If none of these work for you, then you could also form a foot fungus support group of your own. You never know what members of the community might share in your struggle!

Some Final Words

Thank you, yet again, for taking the time to read my articles! Your contribution is not disregarded. I hope you enjoyed learning about different New Year’s resolutions, and I hope you also were able to appreciate the Customer Q&A section! Another thank you to the amazing customers willing to time and thought into this newsletter. I would like to end this article with a benediction:

May your socks be ever washed,

May your shoes be ever sterile,

And may your feet never be a host for another living organism.

—Josiah Hamster