Do you struggle with foot fungus, and feel like nothing understands you? Do you watch the same movies and play the same video games day after day, lonely and afraid, hoping in vain for some hint of recognition from your TV? Good! That means I have an audience!

Today in FFF Inc, we will be discussing video games and movies for those of you with foot fungus. These range from apocalyptic zombie games to 3D Wii platformers to fungus documentaries. Furthermore, we will be answering questions, as always, in the Customer Q&A section!

Enjoy!

[[ Theme song: an AI generated pop song about foot fungus ]]

What is a Video Game? What is a Movie?

A movie is a series of pictures that go together in a stimulating way. This stimulation causes people to look at it for hours and hours until their brain dies. It didn’t start off super stimulating, however. It started black and white and very fuzzy, with really bad audio quality¹ . However, over time they found ways to stimulate brains even more—color tv, better audio quality, and flashy CGI. However, eventually companies found a new and even more effective way to stimulate America’s most mushy part of the body: video games.

These video games took stimulation to a whole new level. Giving the user control over the frames, the adaptive films caused rushes of adrenaline and dopamine for its users. Almost never having a plot of any substance, they would—and still do—draw people in for countless hours. According to statista.com, ~10% of Americans spend more than 20 hours per week on gaming. Here is a chart of the average weekly time spent playing video games in 2021:

All this to say: if you are going to make something this brainwashing, it better have some fungus in it.

¹ Even worse than the audio quality of the AI theme song!

Movie: Fantastic Fungi

According to imdb.com, Fantastic Fungi is “a descriptive time-lapse journey about the magical, mysterious and medicinal world of fungi and their power to heal, sustain and contribute to the regeneration of life on Earth that began 3.5 billion years ago”. This is a good show for those of you who have foot fungus, and need something to lighten your mood and show you that not all fungus is bad. According to a featured review, “‘Mushroom voice’ was a bit strange”.

Movie and Video Game: The Last of Us

This happens to be both a video game series and a tv show. The Last of Us is a standard zombie apocalypse story with a twist: instead of a disease, a fungus takes over peoples’ brains and controls them. This is a great film for those of you who enjoy zombies and action, and want to know that there is much worse fungi in the world than that which covers the feet. Content warning: this is a mature show/video game, and contains scenes that might be disturbing for younger viewers. According to imdb.com,

Video Game: Mushroom Men: The Spore Wars

This is a 3D action platformer for the Wii where you go around and battle other enemies, ranging from other mushrooms to huge cats! It contains spore-based mechanics, spore-based powers, spore-based levels and spore-based fonts¹ ! This is a great game for people with foot fungus who have nothing better to do than just sit on a couch and watch a mushroom jump from platform to platform. See more information at amazon.com. For a full length four-and-a-half-hour walkthrough, click here.

¹ I No, there are not any spore-based fonts. I just made that up

The Customer Q&A Section

It’s time, yet again, for the Customer Q&A section! All questions go to [email protected]. Let’s get started!

Question: After reading FFF Issue #9, I watched the first Iron Man movie on Disney Plus. Following this show, I began doing the worm and making PBJs. Suddenly, a strange thought struck me on the head like a hammer: does Tony Stark have the supertoe? I want an answer now. -Anonymous Marvel fan

Answer: Indeed he does!!

Prove it.

Fine! Here is a picture:

Notice anything odd about his feet? Probably not. Let’s take a closer look:

Stark claims to have designed the technology himself, but no source of energy compacted so well could blast itself up into the air, especially not as controlled as its flight is. The energy had to come from somewhere…and lasers coming out of feet seem like a pretty good energy source.

This is common in more than just Tony Stark. For instance, Flash’s ability to run super fast. A human can’t run that fast!…unless they have special toes that can give them bursts of energy when they run.

Want to see the supertoe in action? Open any superhero film and keep an open eye, especially on their feet. You will see some interesting things.

Question: Is The Weekly Writeup or Foot Fungus Facts Incorporated better? -Eris

Answer: For those of you who don’t know, The Weekly Writeup is a newsletter currently being written by one of my classmates, Carter Haynes (See FFF #4). Each issue contains a book review, a film review, a tech product review, and a bonus section. As to which one is better, it really depends on your preference. If you want something practical, read The Weekly Writeup. Otherwise, read Foot Fungus Facts Incorporated.

Some Final Words

Thank you for reading today’s issue of Foot Fungus Facts Incorporated! Hopefully you who have foot fungus now don’t feel quite as alone (though hopefully you still feel a tad alone, so you’ll keep reading). I hope you all have an amazing week as you await the next issue of Foot Fungus Facts Incorporated!

That’s all for now!

—Josiah Hamster