Mushrooms are fungus and fungus reminds me of feet and I don’t eat feet. —Soman Chainani

Wow, what an absolutely inspiring quote! Let’s look at a few more:

I collect spores, molds, and fungus —Harold Ramis

All fungi are edible. Some fungi are only edible once. —Terry Pratchett

Life is too short to stuff a mushroom. —Shirley Conran

As you can probably guess, I am currently reading some absolutely beautiful quotes about fungus! Books are a powerful medium. They can make you happy, they can make you sad. They can make you nice, they can make you mean. They can make you hungry, they can make you sleepy. They can also teach you about foot fungus!

In this issue, I will be going over different books on fungus, feet, and foot fungus. In previous issues, I have reached horse riders, gamers, scientists, astronomers, insomniacs, elves, and even superheroes. However, I have never reached out to readers! It is my hope that this issue will change that, and that you, fellow bookworms, will no longer be without fungus in your reading adventure.

[[ Theme song: 10 Hours of Someone Flipping Pages (0 likes, channel has 27 subscribers) ]]

What is a Book?

A book is a piece of paper with words on it. These words are put in such a way as to convey a story. These stories range from old grandmas cooking food to blowing up Ukraine and starting WWIII. The longest book ever written is A la recherche du temps perdu, which means In Search of Lost Time. I would certainly be in search of lost time after reading this book, which stretches a total of 9,609,000 characters and 1.3 million words!

17% of Americans say they have not read a book in the past year. Which means I still have 83% of Americans as my audience. I’d say those are pretty good statistics.

Book #1: The Foot Book

This is a 232-page book about keeping your feet, or as the book calls them, “marvels of biomedical engineering”, healthy. It has 4.3 stars, which is the best rated book I have here on the list! It is not entirely focused on foot fungus—it covers all sorts of foot issues, such as injuries, cancer, footwear, and more. If you ever wanted a comprehensive book on feet, this is your book!

Book #2: The Fungus

This is a horror book about a doctor creating a mutant form of fungus which spreads across London. Not only does this fungus attack humans; it also attacks concrete and buildings, causing the entire city to collapse! The story is apparently rather scary. One user was so terrified that they said they would never eat mushrooms again! I found this book on a goodreads list called Fungus Fiction, which somehow had forty-five different books.

Random Hamster fact: ketchup used to be used as a medicine. In 1830, Dr. John Cook Bennet sold pills called “tomato pills”, which supposedly worked wonders on indigestion and diarrhea. Unfortunately, ketchup’s medical reputation soon died, and had to be sold as something yummy rather than something healthy.

Book #3: Essential Oils for Foot Fungus

This is a book about, you guessed it! Using essential oils on foot fungus. This book is particularly useful for those of you who have boxes full of essential oils, but don’t have a single medicine to fix it. This book is also the cheapest on the list, free with kindle ulimited and $3 without. The author, Rita V. Gadi, has written multiple books, nearly all of them having to do with essential oils.

Here is the table of contents in the book sample:

The Customer Q&A Section

Welcome back to the Q&A! Are you ready to answer some questions? Because I am! Unfortunately, I didn’t get any real questions today, so I had to make some up. Oh, well!

Question: What is the best music streaming service for people with foot fungus?

Answer: My first suggestion would be Idagio. This is a streaming service specifically for classical music. This offers high-quality music that is hard to find on the typical music service, as well as live concerts and interviews. This is a good way to calm a person down who is dealing with the high stress levels of foot fungus. My second recommendation? Just use Spotify. There really isn’t a difference between all the music services anyway, and Spotify allows you to share your playlists with your friends.

My only tip is to avoid hip hop music. ChatGPT said that it gets the foot fungus excited and makes them reproduce faster—not something you want for your feet.

Question: How would you react if your Mom got foot fungus?

Answer: That wouldn’t be good at all! Mom cooks dinner, walks down the stairs, goes into my closet sometimes¹ , and even messes up the roads with her runs! Long story short, I’d have to move out of the house.

¹ I really need to clean it out sometime

Some Final Words

Thank you for reading today’s issue of foot fungus facts incorporated! I initially was planning on naming this issue Jelly. I thought it would be fun to excite people about the prospect of an issue on Jelly, only to reveal that I wasn’t ever intending to talk about jelly in the first place! That was when my ethical side kicked in, and I was forced to concede. Hence, “Bookworm.”.

—Josiah Hamster